Cold winter mornings can freeze almost anything

For an entire month after our wedding in January of 1970, the temperature in Wisconsin, where we lived, climbed no higher than 20 degrees below zero.

Seemed like everything froze, and we had no garage, so the cars really complained when we cranked them up in the morning. Had two long cords running from the house to the cars to plug in engine heaters. Trust me, a garage is better.

Through the years, just about everything that could be frozen during the winter has been frozen, so when a friend in Wisconsin sent me a note about frozen windows, I figured things were usual up there.

Seems a woman texted her husband, saying “windows frozen, won’t open.”

He texted back, “gently pour lukewarm water over it.”

Five minutes later, she texts back: “computer really screwed up now.”

That’s gonna happen, you know, when a clear-cut conversation gives way to short-cut texts. I’ve got the ability to text on my phone, a flip top, but I don’t use it. They charge me 20 cents for each text I send or receive. I could pay a lot more on my bill each month to be able to text all I want. I do text all I want. Not at all.

It’s a little like that teaching old dogs new tricks thing. I may be capable of learning, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have to know that. Besides, my fingers look much too big to be pushing those tiny buttons to make words appear.

And I’m retired. If I learn anything new, I want it to be something I’d like to use.

Speaking of retirement, a friend in Pennsylvania sent this question-and-answer email about retirement.

Question: How many days in a week?

Answer: Six Saturdays, one Sunday.

Q: When is a retiree’s bedtime?

A: Three hours after she falls asleep in the recliner.

Q: How many retirees to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it might take all day.

Q: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?

A: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Q: Why don’t retirees mind being called seniors?

A: The term comes with a 10 percent discount.

Q: Among retirees, what’s considered formal attire?

A: Tied shoes.

Well, I’d say formal attire is anything that doesn’t wrinkle if you sleep in it.

A few more thoughts on senioritis start with the woman who got her doctor’s approval to join a fitness club and start exercising. She decided to take an aerobics class just for seniors. She said, “I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.”

Yes, that was a joke. As is the remedy to prevent sagging skin. Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I like that one.

It’s scary, you know, when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

Tee hee.

I used to think jokes on seniors were disrespectful, but the older I get, the funnier they get.

At least I’m laughing.

So long friends, until the next time when we’re together.

Sandy Mickelson, former lifestyle editor of The Messenger, may be reached at